Make Every Caregiving Day Special!

When I was caregiving for my mom, we worked hard to make each day special by thinking through the ebb and flow of the week. We considered our regular daily caregiving routine. We factored in how to pace other “must do” activities (i.e., housecleaning, doctor’s appointments, a haircut, a manicure, a car repair, etc.) in a way that didn’t overwhelm us. (For us, it was about one maintenance type appointment per week.)

In addition, while my mom was still mobile and feeling relatively well, we planned one “special occasion” a week – either a shopping excursion or a restaurant. Or we might order in, or have a few friends over for Happy Hour and hors d’oeuvres.

The point is to find your own best balance of “outside” and “inside” in a way that does not overwhelm you or your care receiver.

If your parent, spouse or partner or friends is in an assisted living or nursing facility, you will want to plan your visits at an optimal time for them (considering their meal and nap times), and also in a way such that they are not overwhelmed with too much at one time.

In addition to having a regular routine – whether you’re caregiving from afar, from nearby, or living with – don’t forget small and simple niceties of life, such as:

1. Flowers, artisanal soaps, aromatherapy, hand creams and lip balms, chocolates (if allowed!), candles, cards and anything that your care receiver favors and is allowed to enjoy. I was constantly on the lookout for artisanal soaps, which I knew my Mom loved; I found one made from Neem (which is known for its medicinal qualities), and she loved it.
2. Although a bit challenging for caregivers From Afar, surprise telephone calls (other than the regularly scheduled ones) and cards are good ways to add a little light to someone’s day; for Up Close and Personal caregivers, there is more opportunity to action on this.
3. Some of the most fun we had was doing simple things, like when we discovered that most large-scale stores provide free wheelchairs for customers (in exchange for your driver’s license). I can’t recall how we learned this, but once we knew about it, it was like an entire new world had opened up for us. All you need to do is to “sign up” at the front, and then you can take the wheelchair out and pick up your loved one, and wheel them in. Honestly, a trip to the store, while my mom was still feeling relatively well, was a great little fieldtrip. Even though she wasn’t able to walk very far, as long as I could get her in a wheelchair, she was fine, and we could shop for an hour or so, having a blast. We had fun, and she was able to exercise some control over what choices we made for pillows, sheets, food, etc.
4. In our case, we had “Happy Hour” at least once a week with a few close friends, and that really helped to cheer my mom (and me) up. I would mix the drinks and make the hors d’oeuvres, and it was a very nice way to normalize the time.
5. Fresh cut flowers (or flowering plants) are also a nice way to brighten up anyone’s day.
6. Another thing that we did for my mom is to make her messages and cards – my sister used to leave very cool, small messages with a red lipstick kiss mark on it; very simple and very cheering. I also bought some construction paper, like I had as a young girl, and made several handmade cards for Mom, with each having a different theme. It had been years since I’d done that, and she really enjoyed them. I themed them on things like “what I’ve learned from you.”
7. Come up with your own creative ways to bring cheer to your caregiving days!