Setting Yourself Up for Success

Making good choices for yourself is a foundational underpinning for getting through life with a modicum of grace. Certainly, planning for your caregiving journey is one of those good choices.

When did I first become aware that I actually could make a choice in how things are, and how they turn out? It’s a simple example, but I remember the very first time when I actively made a choice, and I was only 10.

My mom was a real grump in the morning. Every morning. “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” was the known protocol in our household. My Dad used to tease her about it – which was like swatting a hornet’s nest!

I didn’t appreciate her grumpiness, even at 10. I couldn’t understand why or how one person could be so grumpy, while another could be very pleasant and happy given the exact same set of circumstances. I decided right then and there that I would like to be a pleasant, happy person in the morning, and I have been ever since. Every morning.

When making choices about caregiving, taking into account what you’ve seen among your own family and friends is a great place to start. My first exposure to health-threatening, life and death matters was when I was 14 years old and my paternal grandfather died. My grandfather had a major stroke at age 62 and was akin to a vegetable after that. I became aware of the term “pull the plug” at that time, since the family was divided over whether or not to keep him on life support. He thankfully passed shortly thereafter, and the decision did not have to be made.

My step-grandfather was not so fortunate. He had a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order in place, but somehow there was a glitch, and the DNR was not honored by the nursing facility so he laid there for 8 months on life support, completely unresponsive.

Watching my loved ones suffer has certainly colored the way that I view life and death, and it has made me much more assertive about making choices related to what will happen in the future.

When health-related events occur among your family and friends, it’s also a great chance to make the choice of planning your first, second or later conversation with other loved ones about how you’ll work together as a family to address their caregiving needs.

Planning for the time when you will serve as a caregiver can be difficult since you may not yet be sure of what your role will be – or how intense it will be. Or whether you will be living with your loved one (either in their home or yours), or living separately and visiting frequently.

But no matter what, thinking about your own self-care is something you cannot overlook. You’ll want to make good choices for yourself by considering the following items as part of your thinking and planning:

1. Your personal daily routine and how you can maintain regular physical exercise and get adequate rest.
2. Your nutritional intake (making sure that you get to eat what YOU want and need to eat, and not just sliding into eating the same as your loved one for the sake of efficiency).
3. Takings supplements to help bolster your own health and to protect your energy, clarity and focus, and your immune.
4. A “get well quick” strategy for battling your own colds, sore throats, etc. (you’ll need to avoid getting sick at all costs, since it could be fatal to a frail loved one whose health is already compromised).
5. If you’re living with your loved one (or your loved one is living with you) … What YOU need in terms of getting what you need to get done done (i.e. home office, small desk in your private room, etc.).
6. If you’re living nearby your loved one – whether they are living independently or living in assisted living or a nursing facility – What YOU need in terms of scheduling regular visits at times that work for both of your schedules.
7. How you can carve out “ME-time” amidst all that is going on.
8. How you can carve out some social time separate from your loved one.
9. How you can carve out regular therapeutic appointments that will contribute to your being a better caregiver (it could be a massage, an acupuncture session, or even just a manicure and/ or pedicure – the point is, it should be something “just for you”).
10. How you can incorporate more simple pleasures and positive actions into your daily life – things such as aromatherapy, meditations, journaling, flowers, etc.).