Being a Care-ee Can Be Challenging, Too

About this time last July, my world was turned upside down by a small misstep off the curb in the hot summer dusk. Forty-eight hours later, I was the not-so-proud owner of:

• A walker
• A cane
• Crutches
• A stabilizing boot (so-called “air cast,” removable for showers)

It turned out I had a cracked anklebone, and I left the Doctor’s office orders not to put any weight on it for the next 6 weeks.” Phew – and I had so much on my calendar!

Although I was very lucky that it wasn’t any worse, it was actually pretty limiting, I couldn’t prepare meals, and it was all I could do to move back and forth between the chair and the bathroom (or the chair and the bed). Getting showered and dressed was arduous. In general it was a complete pain in neck.

I pretty much completely lost my sense of independence, since I also could not:

• Drive
• Walk further than about 50 feet
• Go down the steps to my home office
• Water my outdoor garden spots
• Carry a glass of wine (both hands were busy with the crutches!)

I can’t imagine how I could’ve lived alone during this time. I was lucky to have a partner who is a very capable and kind caregiver!

One of the most difficult aspects was having to ask for help. I’m a very independent sort, and I was amazed at how many times I needed to ask for support in a simple, daily situation – especially at first. Water. Lip gloss. More ice for the footbath. Blanket. Oh – and just one more coffee, please! I felt terrible having to make multiple requests for help, and tried to group my requests together, consolidating them so that my caregiver would only have to “make one trip.”

After a few days, I got proactive and filled a waist pouch with my daily necessities (iPhone, headphones, pen, paper, lip gloss)… and I made sure the big, comfie leather chair in our living room (my “new world”) had a nearby extension cord with all the right device chargers on it.

But back to this thing about having to ask for help. I saw from the very first minute of being injured how much I resisted asking for help. And yet, I was forced to do it, because I was simply not able to do it myself. On the other hand, I was also inspired to be proactive so that I could minimize my requests!

My experience as a “care-ee” brought back to mind so many of the times when I was caregiving for my Mom, how her mobility slowly but surely diminished, and how the scope of her activities narrowed day by day. And how the scope of the support she needed widened at the same time. Soon the effort just to “get up and get bathed and dressed” exhausted her, and as a result, we often had to cancel whatever it was we’d been thinking we would do. But she did her best until the very end to be proactive and minimize requests.

I know now how she felt, at least a little. And I’m sure she hated asking for help as much as I did.